i want to blog again, but i find that my life is now in a mode where i’m attempting to find balance between a full time career and fun/relaxation/etc. you know, like i’m really trying to learn how to be a functional adult with the amount of time i do not have anymore. or time that functions differently than how it used to when i was in school.

i’ve been getting back into my art, slowly but deliberately, but still not as deliberately as i’d like it to be. i’ve been playing pokemon go with chris and mysitic messenger again and it’s as much as i can manage in playing video games than i am allowed to let myself get invested in just because i’m always needing to relax my brain more. i find myself consuming a lot of shows and anime because its all i have the energy for these days. i started tomb raider the new one but i took a break from it because i guess it was making me more tired by making me stay up later than normal/thinking more/straining my eyes with a screen or something idk

all i know is that my life is definitely different from than it was a few months ago, before i graduated. it’s weird being a full time working person rather than having different roles to juggle like employee/intern/student etc. i felt like i had more responsibilities so i had to watch myself more.

but now working a full time job where i get to go home and do whatever i want at the end of the day is… well… doesn’t feel real yet, so i think i’m more on edge.

yet i am happy with what has been going on, and i’m satisfied in my journey thus far. i’m really proud of myself, i think, that’s what im sure of. the only thing i’m having a hard time with is getting back to the gym and losing all the graduate school weight i’ve gained over the last two years. i’m unhappy with my body but i dont think i’ve ever had a time where i was happy with it, but i think that’’s a mindset thing im trying to work on. so yes.

in any case, i just wanted to give an update somewhere to show im not dead nor unhappy. i’m very pleased with my progress overall. work is fun and challenging and sometimes very stressful. it plays on my anxiety a lot and i have no control overall in my job, but i think that’s where God is anointing me right now. he wants me to understand that i dont need control to be satsified. i just need God.

it’s always a weird phenomenon as an ace person to sign on to tumblr dot com after months being away and immediately seeing porn on the first page of the dash

i dont use tumblr much anymore and im always sorry for that but sometimes i keep it around just to hope i will take up blogging again

follow my other medias: twitter or my instagram

maybe i’ll upload my art here from time to time

time has flown by. it’s again close to the end of the year, and as i look past on my archive of this year, i realize that my posts have been little to nothing each month. i think i’m okay with that. there was a time in the past where all i did was write and write and think about my life critically through blogging. that has so drastically changed, though, and i no longer use blogging as a media to express my thoughts, beliefs, or life events. i’d like to think i’m getting older and more “mature” enough to not need social media to showcase my life events, my emotional ramblings, and so on, but i think in reality i just no longer have the time to write about what’s going on or share my life online. however,  there is a lacking of that comforting preservation of memories in a somewhat-tangible place that i feel sad about. 

i take lots of pictures still, but most of it is of my dog or of my beautiful partner. my life is mostly waking up and going about my day to achieve my long term goals. every moment, though, i am happy and satisfied with what has happened this year. i always thank God for where i have gone and what i have done and what i have as a result. and i also long for the motivation, diligence, and willpower to keep going about my goals. 

this year i always sum up the best things that have happened to me is moving in with chris and adopting ruby. there is nothing in my world that I love more than God and his blessings, and the biggest blessings being close (both physically and emotionally) to those two. while the past year has been filled with wins and losses, i could only think of 2017 as being filled with love and warmth because such important things have come into my life. 

as 2017 is close to ending, being spirit led through all of it, i hope to finish off this year strong and focused in my love for God at the center of my life, so that He may touch everything else that i find important.